Archive | June, 2013

Hard

29 Jun

Can I be honest? I’m struggling. There is this battle between the mind and heart and right now…god help me. I am trusting God currently because its all I can do at this point. I have no clue where my personal life is or what course is being charted. Insomnia is real right now. All I think about is him. And this is straight bullshit  craziness.  I feel like I am walking around led in the dark and there is a part of me that wants off. I don’t like this feeling god. I know it’s necessary but I don’t like this whole not knowing thing. Right through here I need to be real. I’m not trying to speak things thoughts and emotions into existence. I just need to say what is in my heart.
What is really in my heart? Love. Plain and simple. Love that yearns to be given. But it must be worthy of giving. I need you God right now. I ask your wisdom to guide me through to follow you and not my own understanding. This post has taken me all day to write. I need your guidance god. Help me to discern who and what attempts to come close to me. My love is a gift and is precious and invaluable. That gift of love I pray god that you grant to the man of God that will diligently seek and pursue it. One after your own heart. Not just in word but yet in action. Amen

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Day 1….Lessons Learned

12 Jun

So…I am embarking on a spiritual journey….to cleanse my mind and heart and really seek God’s face in areas of my personal life.   I  decided that I would blog everyday at least on my journey through the next 25 days.  The 1st 3 days are 6 to 6’s.  No food only water until 6pm.   In the meanwhile I prayed and went about my day today.  But look at God…He allowed me to spend the 1st part of my day serving the community at Share Day/Feed the Children.  Even though it was HOT, We were able to do a great and remarkable thing to impact a few lives in the city of Houston.

In my worship today, I learned that giants do come down.  I was reminded that we must PRAISE our way through a thing until we see it come to pass.  Joyce Meyer reinforced that tonight in the daily devotion.  We have to speak words of thanksgiving.  Not only in my prayer life, but for EVERY situation.  Let everything that have breath right?  LOVE is the ultimate healer and allows that thanksgiving to come through.

I also learned that in order to break bitterness that comes up in my spirit, there are things I must do. I must turn to God quickly.  I have to stay in church.  I need to be completely honest with God when I go to him in prayer.  Finally trust him completely.  It seems hard right?  Especially when you know that you have been hurt, but I know I cannot expect, let alone deserve his best when I can’t move forward due to bitterness.

So here is my petition today God…Thank you for your mercies and grace and love that you have shown not only me, but everyone around me.  You are the only wise God, and I thank you for being who you are.  My prayer is that you remove the hurt.  Help them to work through whatever it is that holds them back from loving a woman completely and wholeheartedly.  With no regret.  Remove bitterness and pain not only from them, but me as well Lord.  Remember me God.  Thank you God…amen

dreams and prayers….

11 Jun

So here I am again and these dreams are back again.  Lord.  I don’t know.  Its amazing how you don’t think about a person and then poof a dream.   God has really funny timing about a thing.  Lord.  This is the craziest thing.  I don’t know what to do or say.  But I know I have to talk about and pray for him.  Better yet for both of them.  Lord.   Thank you for revealing HOW I need to pray about what I need to say and what I don’t need to say.  What I need to do.  Now.  Is follow on instruction.  I don’t know what is happening or what will happen.  But for the next 24  days I will be in consistent and constant prayer and fasting.  I will record my journey here God as you lead me.  Your will your way in this are of my life.

 

 

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