Closed doors…new chapters…

14 May

Mothers Day 2012…Honestly…though it was bittersweet, I am making a choice for myself…that I am standing with. I am making the decision to live free, on purpose and in the moment. What the hell am I talking about…well listen up and follow along…

I have an issue with love. To me it feels like it has been unrequited. My expectations of how I expect love to be shown back to me apparently differ from what it is I see and feel that I need. And that is an issue. And not just intimate relationships…certain friendships as well. And thats a major issue. As much as I try to downplay my feelings, thoughts, and emotions I know that I am quite the sensitive person in regard to it. So, in order to protect myself..I do exactly what it is I can’t stand. I put on a face of bravado thinking that its showing my indifference to a situation…but in all actuality, it affects me. Borderline hurts my feelings and bruises my ego. Ughhh….Its so frustrating when a person doesn’t do or react in a manner that YOU think they should. Angela Bofill was SANGIN my song…check it…

BUT here is where I am bringing that to an end. I see how selfish that is and completely unfair to the other party. I acknowledge the pain…but I have to let it go and move on to live in the now. I cannot control people and the way they decide to show their emotions…I want a guy to feel a way about me openly and freely and not be arm twisted into letting me know his feelings and intentions. Until that moment happens…I am closing the doors on past things and leaving them there. I choose to live each day brand new, and living that day to the fullest and measuring it based on the questions in the last post. I am choosing real and true love every day…no matter in what form it comes to me through. I choose happiness…to laugh and share my joy with people to be the change that I want to see in others. I choose to serve God and be grateful for ALL that he has done for me and brought me through despite what may happen. To thank him daily for new mercies and blessings that he has given me. Lastly, I choose me. I will take better care of myself…mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually…with his help. Selah

On another note…today was awesome… I spoke to my Grandma…and she is doing well…as is Kyla and my mom and the family. I miss them terribly. I miss my aunt too…but I feel her around me 🙂 This week has been crazy…I was wasting time and procrastinating with the Mother’s Day Baskets…and managed to finally finish everything Saturday night… Sunday morning…pictures are below. I had a lot of fun doing these..and if it is His will, we will see where this goes.

Life doesn’t happen to us…it happens for us…WHAT YOU HAVE IS THIS MOMENT…..

the gift baskets…

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