love of my own….

5 Dec

I have been trying for the past few weeks to figure out a song that gets where I am right now…and I finally found it..I had to dig through a few crates…but I got it…Eric Benet….Love of my own…Be patient guys…this is going to be a blog of random thoughts and feelings…

I am tired guys.  Seriously just tired of the same old same old.  Why can’t I fall for a guy that says what he wants…no holds barred.  OK,  let me clarify.  I fell like I always seem to fall for the person who is unavailable, be it physically, emotionally… there is always this something missing and I lately have been feeling left in limbo because of it.  I feel stuck in this thing where I cannot do or say anything about it. Like I have to wait on them.  I think I am just over being the initiator of things.  I want to feel pursued.  Is that too much to ask…seriously?  I need to know these things. Is it too hard to have some type of normalcy in a relationship…just a tad…

Maybe the old folks are right, when someone shows you who they are believe them.  I guess for me its hard because I don’t want to believe that someone doesn’t value me in the same regard that I do for them…Perhaps its the hopeless romantic in me.  I just feel really retarded for trying to see the good in people when it seems as though they don’t care.  Sheesh…if a friend was in my situation, honestly I would be like girl BE OUT…and not think twice about it.  BUT WHY CANT I FOLLOW MY OWN ADVICE??!  Just today I was supposed to go out on a date…its raining like cats and dogs here in Houston so there was a definite rain check on that one. To be truthful I didn’t really want to even go.  I am not even feeling the guy to want to go out..because I could have…but yeah.. instead I am home pouring out my feelings on this blog.  The reason I even agreed was to attempt to prove that I still have it…and maybe even try and see if this person could be some type of potential.

I am so confused at the moment…I pray every night and day for God to move or release me or help me learn from this.  Or something…because honestly.

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