Archive | December, 2011


31 Dec

Hello to all my readers welcome and unwelcome….yes I see you :). Ip addresses give so much info nowadays…Lol. Anyway, I digress.

This blog is going to serve as a reminder for me this year about what I am defiantly not taking into the new year and leaving in 2011. Bear with me guys…here goes!

1. Being the scapegoat: Let me clarify this once and for all…I refuse to be anyone’s tragedy. I’ve been nice way to long by not addressing shit said about me, and honestly I am sick of it. Especially when I really have been mute and on pause about things. I am not a home wrecker…trying to break up a marriage happy home whatever. I wont say i didn’t think about it…for very good reason i may add. Never been my style. Never will be. Deal with your issues and leave me the fuck out of it. Get it…got it…good!
2. Not following through: So I just finished reading “The Alchemist”. Great book. I took a lot of life lessons away from this book. But the one thing my heart said was to make sure that this year you follow through with things. And in every facet of my life…be it artistic, musically, emotionally, professionally. No task will lie incomplete if I can help it.
3. the emotional bellman: I am not a bellman. I don’t carry bags from room to room, take out or put bags away. And I refuse to do that with other peoples shit. Sometimes when it comes to the people close to me….which are very few I can take on their issues and that isn’t good for me. I need to really learn how to be an active and effective listener and not try to be captain save em. It’s hard for me… Simply because I like to help, but yeah no mas. I will pray for you though ūüėČ scouts honor (yes I was a scout for like 2.2 seconds)
4. fear of new love: This year…well the past few years have been about closing chapters and resolving issues with past relationships. And though honestly all haven’t been as I would want them to be…I realized that I needed to clear my heart mind and spirit of the rubbish from past relationships…old friendships included. 2012 is bringing a new look at love. I’m not afraid anymore to love and to be loved. I’m ready officially. I know in my heart I need a guy who is ready to express that love back to me just as much as I. I realize in order for that to happen I can’t be scared of being hurt or rejected. Does it hurt…yea. Is it a little scary, hell yes, but I know that I have to be open to the possibility. And so does he. :/
5. work life balance: I will create more of a balance this year. I will and I must. Because in order for any of the above things to occur…I need a healthy mix.

I know I usually leave you with a song….but this is a post from my iPhone so…I will add one later. But to all that read this…happy new year, and I pray it brings you all that you search for.



on mute…

27 Dec

i wanted to write something….but I can’t…i won’t….

I’m just leaving it with this…I cant wait to see you this weekend. ¬†I love you! Yes I said it…#kanyeshrug

love of my own….

5 Dec

I have been trying for the past few weeks to figure out a song that gets where I am right now…and I finally found it..I had to dig through a few crates…but I got it…Eric Benet….Love of my own…Be patient guys…this is going to be a blog of¬†random¬†thoughts and feelings…

I am tired guys. ¬†Seriously just tired of the same old same old. ¬†Why can’t I fall for a guy that says what he wants…no holds barred. ¬†OK, ¬†let me clarify. ¬†I fell like I always seem to fall for the person who is unavailable, be it physically, emotionally…¬†there¬†is always this¬†something¬†missing and I lately have been feeling left in limbo because of it. ¬†I feel stuck in this thing where I cannot do or say anything about it. Like I have to wait on them. ¬†I think I am just over being the initiator of things. ¬†I want to feel¬†pursued. ¬†Is that too much to ask…seriously? ¬†I need to know these things. Is it too hard to have some type of normalcy in a relationship…just a tad…

Maybe the old folks are right, when someone shows you who they are believe them. ¬†I guess for me its hard because I don’t want to¬†believe¬†that someone doesn’t value me in the same regard that I do for them…Perhaps its the hopeless romantic in me. ¬†I just feel really retarded for trying to see the good in people when it seems as though they¬†don’t¬†care. ¬†Sheesh…if a friend was in my situation, honestly I would be like girl BE OUT…and not think twice about it. ¬†BUT WHY CANT I FOLLOW MY OWN ADVICE??! ¬†Just today I was supposed¬†to¬†go out on a date…its raining like cats and dogs here in¬†Houston¬†so there was a definite rain check on that one. To be truthful I didn’t really want to even go. ¬†I am not even feeling the guy to want to go out..because I could have…but yeah..¬†instead¬†I am home pouring out my feelings on this blog. ¬†The reason I even agreed was to attempt to prove that I still have it…and maybe even try and see if this person could be some type of potential.

I am so confused at the moment…I pray every night and day for God to move or release me or help me learn from this. ¬†Or something…because honestly.

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