I can’t…

4 Apr

So Tank has taken it upon himself to re-create a country classic by Bonnie Raitt, I can’t make you love me….I normally don’t listen to country, but this happens to be one of my favorite songs done by a country artist EVER. PERIOD.  Seriously..he did it so much justice…but I guess, this song serves as inspiration for this blog entry.

Lately, I have been going through some things on a personal level.   Nothing bad, I have just really been taking an introspective look and life and love and where and how it fits in my life, and how it will fit in the future… I am at this place where I feel like I am ready give love…and not that normal type of love either…no, that sacred sought after love meant for that special person…some days family, I feel like I’m bursting at the seams.  What I try to do for my own sanity is distract myself, by pouring myself into the things I love.  Its a temporary fix, and its been working so far…BUT, you know temporary solutions don’t fix this issue….  😦

Funny thing is however, when I meet a guy lately, it doesn’t take long to figure out whether or not he is a keeper…Let’s just say, men here in Houston, have been a bunch of non-keepers…Lol i remember when I went through this dating phase a couple of years ago, where it was this 7 day cycle thing.  I would meet a guy, and like literally a week later, it was on to the next one…fast forward to now, and God is like bump the 7 day plan, we are bringing it to one, two days tops!!  God is not playing…seriously…Honestly from all of this, I have a better understanding of what it is that i need in a partner.  A very, very clear picture…which brings me finally to the matter at hand…

There is this one guy…

Truth is, if I had my way, he would be the one i would give my love to, freely, willingly, on some open bar type stuff.  I want him to feel love in its purest most simplistic form.  That easy, want nothing in return type love…but it not like he doesn’t know.  And me being me, I don’t ever want to place any pressure on him.  But i find myself, thinking about him and praying for him, more than I do myself.  AND. THAT. IS. SCARY.  This part, is about to be all over the place, don’t say I didn’t warn you.  OK,truth is, he knows how I feel and vise versa.  But, I feel like we are at this stalemate.  Neither wants to make a move, so we don’t talk often, hoping that will be just enough to make it though a little longer.  Me being me, I want to say something…to find out where I stand, and exactly what this is.  BUT. I am conflicted because I feel like I would be rushing him, and i know he isn’t ready to make that kind of power move with anyone.   So i sit here, with all this love ready to pour out, but i keep it bottled up and wait for him to make a move.  Am I wrong?  Its like this, I don’t want to be the one who constantly is reaching out…I want to be sought after.  And i feel, by his lack of reaching, he really doesn’t care…Maybe that was a bit extreme, and may not be true, but that’s exactly how it feels….Is that being selfish, possibly, but aren’t I worth it * crosses arms and stomps foot*  Juliette is like, you need to talk to him, lol she is his number 1 cheerleader seriously…but I don’t know…

I feel like Tank and Bonnie did when they sang this song.  I can’t make you love me….

Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
if you won't, no you won't

I can’t force anything to be there, if he doesn’t want it…Do I open myself back into the wide world of dating? Or wait it out, and keep busy in the meanwhile?   Shit am I crazy for feeling like this?   I feel like I am…In the meanwhile….enjoy, Tank’s cover of I can’t make you love me on Wendy Williams…how you dancin…i love my gays 🙂 …


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