Archive | April, 2011

I can’t…

4 Apr

So Tank has taken it upon himself to re-create a country classic by Bonnie Raitt, I can’t make you love me….I normally don’t listen to country, but this happens to be one of my favorite songs done by a country artist EVER. PERIOD.  Seriously..he did it so much justice…but I guess, this song serves as inspiration for this blog entry.

Lately, I have been going through some things on a personal level.   Nothing bad, I have just really been taking an introspective look and life and love and where and how it fits in my life, and how it will fit in the future… I am at this place where I feel like I am ready give love…and not that normal type of love either…no, that sacred sought after love meant for that special person…some days family, I feel like I’m bursting at the seams.  What I try to do for my own sanity is distract myself, by pouring myself into the things I love.  Its a temporary fix, and its been working so far…BUT, you know temporary solutions don’t fix this issue….  😦

Funny thing is however, when I meet a guy lately, it doesn’t take long to figure out whether or not he is a keeper…Let’s just say, men here in Houston, have been a bunch of non-keepers…Lol i remember when I went through this dating phase a couple of years ago, where it was this 7 day cycle thing.  I would meet a guy, and like literally a week later, it was on to the next one…fast forward to now, and God is like bump the 7 day plan, we are bringing it to one, two days tops!!  God is not playing…seriously…Honestly from all of this, I have a better understanding of what it is that i need in a partner.  A very, very clear picture…which brings me finally to the matter at hand…

There is this one guy…

Truth is, if I had my way, he would be the one i would give my love to, freely, willingly, on some open bar type stuff.  I want him to feel love in its purest most simplistic form.  That easy, want nothing in return type love…but it not like he doesn’t know.  And me being me, I don’t ever want to place any pressure on him.  But i find myself, thinking about him and praying for him, more than I do myself.  AND. THAT. IS. SCARY.  This part, is about to be all over the place, don’t say I didn’t warn you.  OK,truth is, he knows how I feel and vise versa.  But, I feel like we are at this stalemate.  Neither wants to make a move, so we don’t talk often, hoping that will be just enough to make it though a little longer.  Me being me, I want to say something…to find out where I stand, and exactly what this is.  BUT. I am conflicted because I feel like I would be rushing him, and i know he isn’t ready to make that kind of power move with anyone.   So i sit here, with all this love ready to pour out, but i keep it bottled up and wait for him to make a move.  Am I wrong?  Its like this, I don’t want to be the one who constantly is reaching out…I want to be sought after.  And i feel, by his lack of reaching, he really doesn’t care…Maybe that was a bit extreme, and may not be true, but that’s exactly how it feels….Is that being selfish, possibly, but aren’t I worth it * crosses arms and stomps foot*  Juliette is like, you need to talk to him, lol she is his number 1 cheerleader seriously…but I don’t know…

I feel like Tank and Bonnie did when they sang this song.  I can’t make you love me….

Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
if you won't, no you won't

I can’t force anything to be there, if he doesn’t want it…Do I open myself back into the wide world of dating? Or wait it out, and keep busy in the meanwhile?   Shit am I crazy for feeling like this?   I feel like I am…In the meanwhile….enjoy, Tank’s cover of I can’t make you love me on Wendy Williams…how you dancin…i love my gays 🙂 …


hey folks….

3 Apr

So the kid has been BUSY!!!!!

Goodness, settling into this home life thing has been an awesome transition. I finally unpacked…lol and put the suitcases away…It felt flippin great…I purchased a new laptop…started a new job…got a few other job offers…lolmy dance card has been full…and oh yeah i started a workout and I am feeling good.
The Sheraton is going great! I really love what I do on a day to day basis, and I feel re-energized every day I go into work. I get to connect with my customers in a different way, be it sitting down and having a conversation about their day, or assisting them with an issue that they are having….I thank God for giving me the wisdom and grace to deal with it all!
The only thing that I can say that I am not feeling is the fact that I have not picked up or utilized not 1 piece of art anything. Ughhh. I haven’t figured out where to fit it I. My already clouded schedule. I try to compensate by creating different things for work graphically, but it isn’t the same 😦
I know in time I will be able to work it in, but I miss it something terrible.

I think this may end up being a few different posts…I have had so much on my mind

that i need to write about to just get it out of my system…Ive just been soo tired…But i promise to get back on the bandwagon…starting today 🙂

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