Archive | February, 2011

Liberation…

5 Feb

So…I just finished watching Oprah’s Masters Class with Dr.Maya Angelou.  Did I ever explain how much respect I have for this woman…She is the epitome of everything I strive to be as a woman, wise yet kind…humble, full of love and life…and the list goes on.  I mean, I always knew who she was but it wasn’t until recently that i read all of the other books about her life that have forever changed the woman that I was…But I digress.  anyway, Oprah’s masters classes on the own network are invaluable.  This woman dropped so many gems during this hour televised show, that I can’t even go into all of it here….I can’t and won’t because you need to see it for yourself…

Anyway, the clip above…is one of those things that I know I will carry with me and pass on to all that care to want to know.  Anyway, I laugh, because before I turned 30, I see now how selfish I was when it came to love.  I wanted love on my terms, and if you weren’t giving it, i would shut you out and cut you off all in fear of heartbreak.  I avoided relationships because I wanted that “surface” love.  The right here, right now kinda love.     I would never had admitted it then, because it was my mask.   The one thing I could hide behind, the thing that would protect me every night.   I thought love entailed that person being near me every second of the day professing and declaring there “love”  for me…That joined at the hip, one the phone all night kinda stuff.  That “love” that would cause me to compromise my values in order to please the person (and me!!) whom I was with at that moment.  When the fun was over and things were getting to heavy,  it was on to the next.

Fast forward to this 30 year old Amanda…I realize how right Dr. Angelou is in this clip.  LOVE IS NOT BINDING!  In its most perfect state, love is liberating.  It allows you to tap into this freedom of openness, where you don’t care about being hurt.  You want to put it out on a limb, because you have a need to free yourself and let them know how you feel.  And even if they don’t reciprocate it back, at least you have said your piece and you are free to do as you please.   I know now that love should not be conditional nor restricting.   When you place these things on it it limits the true power that love has between people.

I’m re-learning how to truly love a man again.  It’s scary and exciting…and honestly if it never goes beyond where we are now I understand, and it is ok with me.  Just know that I love you. 🙂

I know…enjoy one of my new favorite poems by Dr. Angelou..Happy Black History…and love month

Touched by An Angel by Maya Angelou
We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.

Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.

We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love’s light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.

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Body/Exercise update…

2 Feb

So now that I am permanently home…I am committing to this workout thing 100%

Bottom line here is my goal…size 12/14 by next year!  Its doable damnit!!

Speaking of size…I will build an ass!!!

Significantly reduce my bread intake!  Seriously,I realize that I am an addict…and it needs to stop

Stay on track even after I loose the weight!

Get through the ENTIRE insanity workout without dropping<!!!!!!!

Why so serious this time.  I have finally committed to the lifestyle change.   I can’t just half ass and bs my way through this one.  If I am serious I have to commit fully.  I AM SOOO TIRED OF STARTING A PROJECT AND NOT SEEING IT THROUGH.  That was actually my resolution for this year,to finish whatever that I started.

My plan of action….

Couch to 5k…i want to be able to run a 5k race without stopping in under 30 minutes!!

P90X…the strength training and other conditioning needed

Jillian Michaels when I need a change of pace

PRAYER…o yes, we have to pray just to make it today!!

And good old walking around the hotel..

I will be a couch potato no more, by the grace of god…2011 its going down…in a major way!  Question is are you ready for me??  Oh yeah..I will post pics after the 30 days!!  My theme song follows…lol!

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