Archive | November, 2010

Artisitc.Awakening.

11 Nov

Ideas for paintings. Still have a few I’m working on but these are some of the ideas in my head.

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Growth…

11 Nov

I could possibly listen to way to much rnb. I’m addicted. Sue me.

That’s not what I wanted to blog about though. But it is related and has a direct effect on my current mental and emotional status.  Every now and again, I just get a little lonely from time to time. Perhaps it stems from the amount of time I spend alone on the road, but lately I’ve been feelin some type if way in regard to love and relationships. A few weeks ago I came across this quote,

“I don’t miss him, I miss who I thought he was, and what I wanted him to be.”

When I read it, I reread it…and read it again and let it sink in…It hit me hard.  Could this be why I was still in this funk about the ex a few months ago.  I never could put my finger on it as to why my heart wouldn’t, couldn’t let go of him.  Guys here’s the deal…We the Women, Girlfriends,Lovers, Ladies, have this special innate ability to see you and your potential in the future.  Once we  get to know you we see glimpses of potential and talent that you possess that you may not even see.  And instinctively we want to help you to achieve that level.  Where we sometimes go awry, is that we get caught up in that potential and getting you to that place that we see you can attain.  When we see that you don’t care or aren’t moving at a pace that we like,we get pissed off, frustrated and angry.  Please know that I am not condoning this by any means, I’m just telling you what happened in my situation…We get ahead of ourselves and even you…But here is why we do what we do…we designed to be the helpers…We love to assist, to mold, to reshape…and when we have that opportunity, we get carried away and lost in the moment because we are in love and instinctively want the best for you.

That love is a tricky thing…I have come to realize that when in a relationship you have to find that healthy balance of not putting the WHOLE cart before the horse.  You loose perspective and focus.   I am learning not to give all of me initially to a guy that I am dating for a while…I want him to discover me…and vise versa…take this journey together, where we feed into each other, and push each other…is that too  much to ask? Perhaps.

What I know, now…yes I am ready for love…but I am in no active search for it…I will let it find me again…and when it does…I will remember this note to self…

 

While my guitar gently weeps

9 Nov

Musically I am attracted to songs that have a sickening arrangement. It’s something in the way that the melody builds or the baseline carries the beat. All of that combined with lyrics that weave effortlessly through the song honestly are found in some if my favorite songs.

One of these songs in particular I’d the semi new joint by India Aire, Santana, and YoYo Ma entitled my guitar gently weeps. There are so many layers to this track that it is beautiful. It opens with Santana and YoYo Ma and then India’s melodic voice compliments it just so. It speaks volumes to the attention to detail. And the soul piercing combination of the song OMG!!!!

But where this song really takes it there for me is India and the lyrics. It’s talks of a person who started out with a love, in this case a guitar, and how it’s been forgotten due to neglect. While that’s going on the guitar cries out to be held, to be played, to be loved. The guitar remembers the passion and the struggle that they shared and it sees how things have changed and weeps in the corner longing, yearning to be noticed again. Powerful.

And then I’m convicted. “/

Really God? And then this is what he shows me. I have been both points of view in this song. I have been the guitar….neglected in a relationship silently crying and screaming out to be paid attention to. Felt like I have been placed on a shelf to only sit and collect dust and not be used to my full potential. Then I have been the neglecter. I canteen begin to say how much I have taken for granted the gift God has given me to draw, paint, just be overtly artistic. Goals that I have pushed to the side because of fear. Fear that people wouldn’t understand what point I was trying to get across.

“I don’t know how you were diverted, you were perverted too.”

It’s crazy to me how much you can find yourself in a song. What also is so crazy is no matter close you think you are you have so far to go. In life, in everything. I guess where I am now is working to keep me in this creative vein I have been in. God keep me. Please.

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