Archive | October, 2010

Decisions…denials…and former delusions….

30 Oct

Weight has always been a struggle for me…Granted I am a person that is completely comfortable in their skin, I think I have finally reached this point where enough is enough…

I am tired of being perceived as this person that I am not totally…the girl with the cute face and incredible personality.  While I do possess those qualities, am I wrong to want a little of that attention to be superficial?  Can’t I be he cute “sexy” chic with that bomb ass personality?  I don’t know, I know now that  I am officially ready ready for a change.  The last time I went on this kick, I ended up at the chiropractor (completely unrelated).  So it does make me a little nervous.  *Shrugs*

I guess what really throws me off is the fact that I have this vice that I need to really power through….I am a non-finisher…professionally I am on point 99% of the time;…but personally I have these moments OFTEN, where I begin a project and for some reason or another I never finish it…Always citing the fact that I will do it later…I blame everything…from my j0b, to people around me…and while i do realize that I need external motivation…Clarence,I am looking at you, I need to really take a good look at me and figure this thing out.  Why don’t I finish?  Is it a fear of failure…perhaps… but I realize that I have to be a woman of my word in all arenas of my life and As much as I love to eat and cook…there is always room for improvement and I need to do better…

So I am commissioning all of you!  Yes all of you to help me in the fight of my life…NO more delusions of grandeur that this weight loss thing will not take work…BECAUSE I KNOW IT WILL.  I need you to help me…keep me in check…I will be posting updates..And honestly get back on this ball….literally and figuratively…Suggestions are welcome…I am ready…

I feel like a weight has been lifted…Workout wise heres my plan…1,Start traveling with workout gear (check)  2, Travel with workout DVD’s and product  3, start bringing my hand blender again on the road, 4, Make i a daily priority to do something, and not quit because I am tired….There most definaltely is more to add to this post…so be on the lookout as I literally get my ass in gear…

Notice I said nothing about alcohol…i know i know empty calories…BUT I NEED my VINO…Sorry 🙂


 

Rekindling an Old FLame…

14 Oct

So I like to think of myself as a multi-talented artist…that happens to be in a deactivated status.

I truly truly sucks some days because I see shit and in my head I am like I can do that sooo much better.  Or I get a bright frickin idea, and I am in the middle of nowhere with nothing to work it out because I have to figure out how to carry it back on the plane 😦

I want to be artistic…and creative…but I feel like my hands are tied. Yeah I know i can draw it out or write it down for later but it isnt the same.  Its like when inspiration hits me my instinct is to drop all and create…Be it paint or plaster or whatever…i feel stifled as a creative being…forced into a corner limited by what i want to do because of my current job choice…Its funny…back in the day, I would have shrugged it off and kept it moving but as of late I am in this MODE where I feel the need to just be artistic.  I  want to be able to takes some time off…and just be inspired and create.  I just feel though that I can be creative to a point while on the road and it just smothers me… Maybe I should get back into computer graphics…perhaps, that would help somewhat…I don’t know…God help…I need a way…show me a way…please..

%d bloggers like this: