Bravado is a Bitch…

12 Jul

So you will learn through this blog a lot about my relationships…I have been an avid MySpace blogger for a hot minute but i think I am going to move on to something bigger and better, that gives me a few more options on how I choose to express myself…That being said here goes 🙂

When I 1st began this blogging adventure, I would have word defined centered blogs….Much like PeeWee’s playhouse secret word of the day…full on with the screaming and Lawrence Fishburne in the jacked up cowboy hat and chaps…hahaha!!

That being said, here is the word of the day, BRAVADO!

Lol this is where you jump, scream, yell, carry on and so forth!!
Bravado: –noun, plural -does, -dos.
a pretentious, swaggering display of courage.

Some men never cease to amaze me. I guess I just don’t get it you know. Maybe it’s a part of the male psyche. This sense o bravado, where they feel they have to be brave in all manners even when they are scared shitless.

OK. On to the ex. For those of you that are new to the blog you will soon get to know him quite well. Family…it’s like I don’t even know my friend anymore. He is married now. WTf. to a chick that he once called crazy. Color me confused. How does that even gel? The only thing I can come up with is that he made her out to be worse?? But no, because this is the same girl who has called my house and hung up and has emailed me on several occasions asking me to leave her husband alone, and has talked shit about me to my mutual acquaintances. lol. Funny thing is I haven’t talked to the ex in close to year. *shrugs*. But according to her I’m the Drama filled crazy one.

I really have been trying to figure out WHY he decided to get married. I just kept going over it because I ain’t gonna lie It hurt and to some extent still stings whenever I hear a song that was once known as “ours”.

But one day it hit me….bravado…see the ex has always struggled with this thing of needing to prove that he can do things on his own. so by him making this decision, this is a way of showing his family that he can do things without them…moreover without me. man. still in all. whatever the reason…in my head it doesn’t make it right. yeah you have put on your big boy britches but they don’t fit quite right no matter how hard you try to make them. it kills me when people make lifetime decisions from temporary circumstances. That false sense of confidence will mess things up every time.

Honestly I don’t want him back. Not at this time anyway. There is a lot to still sift through emotionally if that opportunity ever presented itself, and even then I still couldn’t say that yes I want him back. But family I really really want the best for him. And I know that if the best isn’t me, cool. But it hurts me to see him make fucked up decisions based on the size of little head rather than the one up top. Especially when he is blatantly hurting the people you love…and when everyone can see a problem but him.

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